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The Reason Behind Growing Numbers of Single Women in India

Even with the continual existence of patriarchy, stereotypes, women in India today have started breaking barriers. There are more single women in India today than

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The Reason Behind Growing Numbers of Single Women in India
Single Woman (Image: Pixels)
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Even with the continual existence of patriarchy, stereotypes, women in India today have started breaking barriers. There are more single women in India today than ever before. As always, single women are often labelled morally loose, headstrong, etc and they end up having to fight a constant battle against society and it’s prejudices. 

In today’s day, the number of Single women, widows, divorcees, the never married, the abandoned etc are much higher than ever before in India. They are almost 21% of the country’s female population.  Women over 30 choose to be single, despite society’s expectation of them to fulfil so called ‘womanhood’ by marriage. Debbie Paul from Delhi who is a 47 year old has heard things like headstrong, stubborn, selfish etc for choosing not to have a husband. 

Based on the 2011 census against the 2001 census, there is an increase by almost 40% of women who remain unattached. A lot of women choose to stay single for various reasons such as freedom to get an education, pursue their careers, live life on their terms, free from family pressures, pressures of a married life etc.Instead of being trapped in  abusive marriages, being victims of domestic violence they choose to stay single. 

However what must be remembered is that this number of single women isn’t necessarily related to an in increase in female empowerment. Patriarchy in India has been rooted deep and still exists, leading to single women being called names, stereotypes. A Delhi based sociologist, Patricia Uberoi talks about how single women are often stereotyped as choosy, morally loose, headstrong etc. 

She says “the idea remains that a single woman unaccompanied by a male (relative or spouse) poses a risk to herself, to family honour and to society at large, though many women now and in the past have broken the stereotype, they have done so at their own risk”. 

Sreemoyee Piu Kindu while writing a book titled “Status Single: The Truth about Being a Single Woman in India’ interviews over 3000 women who said they faced prejudice from people for their choice.

“Some of the women who had agreed to be interviewed pulled out at the edit stage of the book because of the fear of families finding out their true feelings, [while] others wanted to not have their identities revealed. What I found is that women were not really proud of being single,. Single hood is also about loneliness, mental health, the reality of being denied housing or bank loan or the right to have an abortion, which is why I decided to write the book”, she said. 

Kundu is a columnist on gender  and on her YouTube channel she regularly highlights stories of successful single women. However many Indian women, if they do get married, end up having to fill very different roles. 

Preeti Zachariah, a 34 year old Chennai based educator and writer says that in her experience with men they are often looking for a mummy substitute, a punching bag or a trophy girlfriend. Preeti says she’s still looking for a man with certain qualities, while also having a thriving wonderful circle of women friends and as she gets older that becomes more important to her than a romantic relationship. 

Marriage in India is often thought of as a safety net for women and thus dealing with people who consider themselves matchmakers is a frequent thing. People cannot seem to accept that being single is a genuine choice. They have to find a backstory, whether it is commitment  phobia, broken hearts, etc. They cannot simply believe it for what it is. 

Women who choose to be single are often not trusted with their other conscious choices because they are said to incapable of doing so. Due to the patriarchy and past of India, women were pushed away from education etc. Thus today the desire for education, employment and freedom leads many women to push the age of marriage beyond their 20s, as per Renu Addlakha, a professor at the Centre for Women’s Development Studies Research and Advocacy Institution in Delhi.

“Most Indian women want it all and not finding it, decide to remain single rather than compromise” she said. 

“Indian culture expects women to be married by a certain age. So if you are single, you are viewed either as an object of pity, or as stubborn and difficult. Rarely is a woman who chooses to remain single accepted as someone capable of making such a conscious choice” said Kalpana Sharma, a journalist. In an anthology that she worked with “Single By Choice: Happily Unmarried Women!”, she said that a lot of the women in these cases had supportive parents who encouraged them.

Whether it is cosmopolitan cities or rural areas, women are constantly attacked for being single which to men often means “available”. 

Joanna Lobo, a journalist, has experienced both sides of the coin, having moved from Mumbai to Goa when she was 18. She said it was easier being single in the big city, but she was still a “little cynical” about finding a “soulmate”.  She says “in reality, marriage at least in India is all about compromise and adjustment and loss of identity for women”. 

Single women now through a rule change in 2017 find it easier for women above 40 to adopt by fast tracking of their applications. Sushmita Sen waited 2 years before the court granted permission for adoption of Renee. 

With continual slow pace, the society is becoming more accepting. However, women pushing boundaries and challenge patriarchy has set off increasing violence against women, according to Addlakha. Crimes against women have increased by 83% in a recent study. 

Even so women continue to fight through the never ending challenges being thrown at them by society at large. 

Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

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